The Importance of Dad

I have been doing a TON of traveling these past couple months: some planned and some not. From a much needed weekend away with my girlfriends (um, first time in over 2 years) to an early celebration of my 5 year wedding anniversary with my husband, to camping with the kids, to even an unexpected trip halfway across the country to celebrate the life of my grandfather who passed away suddenly, I have had a lot of time to read and reflect on life - especially on what it means to be a parent. I have read some wonderful Catholic parenting books and, although I should be re-energized in my role as a mother, I am actually drawn to the powerful role that dads play in the lives of their children.

Since we have both a daughter and a son I have read books geared towards each gender along with general parenting books and the one underlying principle I have taken from each book is that "Dads, you matter. And you matter A LOT."

As a mom, I inherently know that I am important to my children. I provided them with a safe home for 9 months, nourishment from my body after they were born, and all the nurturing I know how to give. At times I have pointed to myself as the primary and greatest influence in my children's lives and, to be honest, society in general would probably say the same thing. So, needless to say, I was kind of put in my place when hearing that fathers are the greatest influence in a child's life when it comes to faith, morals, belief in God, self-esteem, and success in adulthood.

And you know what? It really makes sense! In a book called Legacy: A Father's Handbook for Raising Godly Children author Stephen Wood points out that:

"God the Father is the one who makes your fatherhood...so important in our children's lives. St. Paul said that earthly fatherhood derives its very name from God the Father (eph 3:14-15)...In the divine plan, a dad is a vital link in the process of a child finding a sacred relationship with God the Father. Every dad - for better or worse - is a living icon of God the Father for his children. Especially in early childhood, a father's daily life in the family (or absence from the family) forms the image of God the Father in his children. This is truly an awesome responsibility for dads." (p.xii)

Whoa. No wonder one of Satan's biggest wars is waged against fatherhood.

As a mother I now realize that, along with being the best I can be to my children, my other main job is to build up my husband both in my children's eyes and in his own. It is really tempting to assume that I know it all and that daddy is just the goofy big kid along for the ride, but I would be doing my kids and him a big disservice if I acted this way. If I want my kids to grow up with a love for God and the Catholic Church, if I want them to be humble, confident, and servants to others, if I want them to embrace their vocation as a response of love to God, I need to empower my husband with the truth that he really makes a difference.

The point that really drove this home was a piece of research that Wood cited in a section titled: "Dads: the cure for church dropout." The 1994 Swiss Study found in Vol. 2 of Population Studies says that, in England where 92% of Catholic young people stop practicing their religion once they leave school (the number is 95% in Australia), the cure for this massive church exodus is dad. Wood says:

"Research shows that if a father attends church regularly, he conveys a lasting lesson to his children...The study found that the one overwhelming critical factor is the religious practice of the father. Dads determine the church habits of their children, and thus, to a significant degree, their eternal destiny. Can't mom also do this? Shockingly the study reported that 'If a father does not go to church, no matter who faithful his wife's devotions, only one child in fifty with become a regular worshipper.' Yet, 'If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular).' Therefore, your first step in building a lasting faith legacy is to attend church regularly"

Now, this doesn't get me off the hook as a mom, but it does highlight again that dad's are super important in the lives of their children. So, dads, I offer you this challenge: don't know much about your faith? Start by simply praying and seek out wisdom from those who do. Don't know much about how to relate to your children? Start by picking up a good, Catholic parenting book (like the one mentioned above) and apply one or two principles. Pray for your children. Talk to your children. Be an example for them in how you act, speak, and treat others. And know that God gave you great strength and wisdom to step up to the task in front of you. It may seem daunting, but our children's lives, and souls, depend upon you.