The Importance of Dad

I have been doing a TON of traveling these past couple months: some planned and some not. From a much needed weekend away with my girlfriends (um, first time in over 2 years) to an early celebration of my 5 year wedding anniversary with my husband, to camping with the kids, to even an unexpected trip halfway across the country to celebrate the life of my grandfather who passed away suddenly, I have had a lot of time to read and reflect on life - especially on what it means to be a parent. I have read some wonderful Catholic parenting books and, although I should be re-energized in my role as a mother, I am actually drawn to the powerful role that dads play in the lives of their children.

Since we have both a daughter and a son I have read books geared towards each gender along with general parenting books and the one underlying principle I have taken from each book is that "Dads, you matter. And you matter A LOT."

As a mom, I inherently know that I am important to my children. I provided them with a safe home for 9 months, nourishment from my body after they were born, and all the nurturing I know how to give. At times I have pointed to myself as the primary and greatest influence in my children's lives and, to be honest, society in general would probably say the same thing. So, needless to say, I was kind of put in my place when hearing that fathers are the greatest influence in a child's life when it comes to faith, morals, belief in God, self-esteem, and success in adulthood.

And you know what? It really makes sense! In a book called Legacy: A Father's Handbook for Raising Godly Children author Stephen Wood points out that:

"God the Father is the one who makes your fatherhood...so important in our children's lives. St. Paul said that earthly fatherhood derives its very name from God the Father (eph 3:14-15)...In the divine plan, a dad is a vital link in the process of a child finding a sacred relationship with God the Father. Every dad - for better or worse - is a living icon of God the Father for his children. Especially in early childhood, a father's daily life in the family (or absence from the family) forms the image of God the Father in his children. This is truly an awesome responsibility for dads." (p.xii)

Whoa. No wonder one of Satan's biggest wars is waged against fatherhood.

As a mother I now realize that, along with being the best I can be to my children, my other main job is to build up my husband both in my children's eyes and in his own. It is really tempting to assume that I know it all and that daddy is just the goofy big kid along for the ride, but I would be doing my kids and him a big disservice if I acted this way. If I want my kids to grow up with a love for God and the Catholic Church, if I want them to be humble, confident, and servants to others, if I want them to embrace their vocation as a response of love to God, I need to empower my husband with the truth that he really makes a difference.

The point that really drove this home was a piece of research that Wood cited in a section titled: "Dads: the cure for church dropout." The 1994 Swiss Study found in Vol. 2 of Population Studies says that, in England where 92% of Catholic young people stop practicing their religion once they leave school (the number is 95% in Australia), the cure for this massive church exodus is dad. Wood says:

"Research shows that if a father attends church regularly, he conveys a lasting lesson to his children...The study found that the one overwhelming critical factor is the religious practice of the father. Dads determine the church habits of their children, and thus, to a significant degree, their eternal destiny. Can't mom also do this? Shockingly the study reported that 'If a father does not go to church, no matter who faithful his wife's devotions, only one child in fifty with become a regular worshipper.' Yet, 'If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular).' Therefore, your first step in building a lasting faith legacy is to attend church regularly"

Now, this doesn't get me off the hook as a mom, but it does highlight again that dad's are super important in the lives of their children. So, dads, I offer you this challenge: don't know much about your faith? Start by simply praying and seek out wisdom from those who do. Don't know much about how to relate to your children? Start by picking up a good, Catholic parenting book (like the one mentioned above) and apply one or two principles. Pray for your children. Talk to your children. Be an example for them in how you act, speak, and treat others. And know that God gave you great strength and wisdom to step up to the task in front of you. It may seem daunting, but our children's lives, and souls, depend upon you.

Why I can't post as much as I want to...

As someone who has a passion for spreading the Theology of the Body, I could spend all day reading, writing, and telling others of this life-changing message. There is so much going on in our world - from Lady Gaga to Arnold Schwarzenegger - that lends itself to be reflected upon in light of human sexuality as God designed it to be. I catch myself wanting to jump onto my computer (well, not literally) and type and type about the state of affairs in our culture in hopes of shedding light on the Truth of Christ.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, I see that there is a pile of dishes in the sink, a daughter who needs to be read to and a son who needs his diaper changed. And so I close my Facebook, switch off the blog, and tend to the needs of my home and family.

After discerning that the Lord was calling me to be a wife and mother, I knew that everything else in my life would have to take a back seat to my primary vocation. Yes, I had a love for ministry. Yes, I had a love for writing and speaking and many other good things in my life. But in calling me to my vocation, God was asking me to place everything aside to serve the needs of the ones he puts in my care. And, in doing so, He would ultimately give me the desires of my heart through a thriving ministry and many lives changed as a result.

This is the struggle that many of us face on a daily basis - especially when it comes to balancing the needs of our family with our mission of spreading the message of Christ. Even as I type this, my daughter is beckoning me to come play! (Just a minute honey, I'll be right there...) There have been times when I get frustrated, wishing I had more time to tell others about TOB and how the Catholic Church's teachings on sexuality have set me free. I wish I could travel to every parish and young adult group and high school in this diocese (and beyond!) in hopes of sharing the Truth.

But, alas, I have realized this is not necessarily what the Lord desires of me at this moment. He most desires that, along with my husband, I raise holy children filled with love, integrity, compassion for others, and a deep desire for Christ. And so, while I wish to be telling others about TOB, sometimes I must rather hug my children and know that if they were ever my only audience, this would be enough. If it is "only" them that hear God's message through me, and if they are changed as a result, then my job on earth would be complete.

Blessed John Paul II said, "As the family goes, so goes the nation, so goes the world in which we live." Taking head of this prophecy, let us turn towards those entrusted to our care and make it our primary goal that each one of them get to Heaven. Because it is by this means that the world will truly be changed.

He kept getting up

The other night, as I was waiting for American Idol to come on (go Lauren!), my husband and I stumbled across the Passion of the Christ movie playing on one of the Christian TV stations. Since we hadn't seen it in quite a while we paused our channel surfing and continued to watch this powerful film of Christ's passion, death, and ultimate resurrection.

The scene about to come on was the scourging of Our Lord. He had already been handed over to Pontius Pilate and was sent to be punished through flogging. Seeing this movie before, I knew what was coming, but much like the Passion narrative of the Bible, there is always something knew to be felt and experienced according to revelation of the Holy Spirit. So, I opened my heart and allowed Jesus to meet me during the moments of my witnessing, once again, this re-presentation of His brutal scourging.

The first thing that entered my mind was the fact that Christ endured this torture and death because of His intimate love for us. This wasn't simply some duty He had to fulfill. Theology of the Body has shown me that Jesus is my Bridegroom who has the same longing, passion, and love for me that my bridegroom on earth does. Jesus was motivated by pure, desirous love and a yearning for the gates of Heaven to be opened that I might spend eternity with Him in perfect union and ecstasy.

As Jesus was being strapped down and stripped, I heard His voice in my own heart tell me that the love He has for me was His motivation and strength. That His love for me got Him through the pain. I looked intently at the torture instruments - the reeds, the cat o' nine tails meant to inflict nothing short of death - and I could plainly see the damage to Christ's body being done. There came a point where Christ's strength seemed to leave Him and He fell, draped over the stump He was chained to. The soldiers, knowing that they weren't to kill him there, stopped their torture and retreated back. But then something happened. Christ got up. Now, if Jesus had just laid there, the scourging would've been done. The pain of this stage would be over. In getting up Jesus wasn't trying to prove a point that He was stronger than the soldiers believed Him to be, but rather that He was willing to to endure anything for His bride. He wasn't satisfied with "just enough to get by." Jesus wanted to give it all - every last ounce of His strength, His life to prove His overwhelming love for us.

I was then drawn back to myself and the fact that my love no where near measures up to Christ's. How many times do I take the easy way out or get by with proving my love "just enough"? How many times do I think about myself and what I get out of my relationships - especially my relationship with my husband? And if I were in Christ's position, would I stay on the ground in surrender or would I get up, too, to show those I love that I have more to give?

Jesus, thank you. Thank you for your unconditional and fervent love for me. You endured so much to prove that you would do anything to be with me. And you have asked, in return, that my love look like Your Love. How many times do I fail! I am not worthy to be called Your beloved, and yet You would do it all again, just to be with me. Teach me the ways of Your Love. Teach me how to endure through pain and suffering to show my love. May the ones You have given me - my spouse , my children, my family, my friends - see Your Love in me. And let me never tire in the ways of love, so that I may one day be united to You in eternal bliss.


No greater love has one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

John 15:13

Receiving the Gift of the Bridegroom

Tonight is one of the most spectacular, amazing, and truly holy nights in the Liturgical year. At Easter Vigil not only do we await the Lord's resurrection, but we welcome new members into the Body of Christ - people who will, for the first time, receive the intimate gift of the Bridegroom.

During months of preparation, catechumens and candidates prepare for this union - and it is no coincidence that people are received into the Catholic Church at Easter, rather than at Christmas or any other time. For on Good Friday, Christ gives His body for us, His Bride. (This spousal gift on the cross is even punctuated by the fact that Christ's last words on the cross, "It is finished," translated into Latin are, "Consummatem Est." It is consummated.) It is on the cross that Christ fully and completely hands over His life to be united to us, not in some arbitrary sense, but in the literal. By His death the gates of Heaven were opened and it is in Heaven where we become ONE with God.

But it doesn't stop there. Christ gives us Heaven right here on earth. Where? In the Eucharist. As Catholics we believe the Eucharist to be the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ - the very same Christ on the cross is fully present under the disguise of bread and wine. And it is during the Triduum, where we remember and attempt to relive the events of the first Triduum, that we call others to become fully united to Christ, through their Baptism (vows) and reception of the Eucharist (consummation of those vows).

Although I can't attend the Vigil this evening (I don't think my one and three year old would last that long past their bedtime!) I will be praying for those who will be united to Christ. I am excited to welcome them into the loving and intimate embrace of Jesus - an embrace I recall each and every time I receive Him in the Eucharist and an embrace I recall every time I look at the cross. I hope you all will join me in praying for these catechumens and candidates - that Jesus will join their minds, bodies, hearts, and souls with His so that we all may be one.

Finishing Strong

When I first met my husband there was a phrase he used quite often: finish strong. What he meant was that no matter what we were involved in, when it got close to the end that's when we needed to kick it up a notch. For how one follows through in the end and finishes what they start is one of the biggest judges of character.

I used to be the type of person that was anything but a strong finisher. In fact, I could almost guarantee that I would only do something 3/4 of the way. Granted, this wasn't in every circumstance as I don't consider myself a quitter, but it was in enough that I finally had to step back and think about why it was that I never followed through on lifestyle changes or prayer commitments or even finished the end of a book.

To make a long story short, I think the answer lies in the fact that we have been ingrained with the phrase: "God will understand." God will understand if I don't say my morning prayers just this one day (which ultimately turns into the next 10 days) because I am a busy mom. God will understand if I am not nice to my husband this one time because, well, we can't we perfect all the time. God will understand if I turn in this project as is, because it is good enough. And God will understand if I do XYZ because of XYZ. You get the picture. And you probably know exactly what I'm talking about...

My struggle of finishing strong has recently been shaken up and God is finally giving me the tools to follow through, no matter how hard the end gets. And you want to know the catalyst? (If not, I'm going to tell you anyway...) Running.

That's right, running up and down hills and in the rain and all over the city day in and day out flipped a switch in my brain. Perhaps previously I thought I couldn't finish strong. Perhaps I thought that it would take way too much effort and not be worth it in the end. But in training for half marathons there is no other option but to finish strong. When I am 6 miles from home and feel like not running another step, I have to dig deeper (and take a Shot Blok) and push it home. When I have a race coming up, I have no other option but to prep well and get all my runs in, no matter how much I would rather relax on the couch. And, despite the effort that comes with training, when I cross that finish line on race day it is all sooo worth it.

When I am running, God is constantly whispering in my ear (getting through the noise of my IPod) and telling me that each step I take is exactly like the life of faith. In fact even Hebrews 12:1-2 says:

"...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

In faith, sometimes all we can do is put one foot in front of the other. In faith, sometimes we have to do what we don't want to. And in faith, when we finish strong, we obtain a peace and holiness unmatched by any other feeling.

I'm sure we can all see areas in our lives where we are pushed, maybe against our will, to finish strong: having a baby, building a home, taking care of someone with an illness, and so on. Perhaps we can take the lessons we learned in these circumstances and apply them to our faith lives, as well - especially as we approach Holy Week.

In this coming week, we have the opportunity to finish strong during some of the most important days on the Liturgical Calendar. In these days we will walk with Jesus on the road to the Cross. We will suffer and die along with Him. And then, on that glorious Easter morning, we will rise. We will experience the joy of completing a hard, yet hopefully well run race these past 40 days. Let us dig deeper and experience Holy Week like we never have before: praying more, attending services, fasting, and being more fervent in following Jesus. Let us not become complacent or give up with the end just around the corner. Because, instead of falling back on God will understand,  I would rather say:

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Becoming Self Masters

Lent is an awesome time. Not only do we begin preparations for Easter, but we are given a chance to turn our mind, our hearts, and our lives back towards Christ. It is a time where we can begin anew in our walk with Christ and a time where we can more fully examine our lives and the areas where we have become enslaved.

What a minute, Kristine. Did you just say "enslaved?" What does slavery have to do with Lent?

A lot, I must say.

Little do we know it but we are slaves to many desires in our lives. One may be enslaved to chocolate, others to their IPhones, others to shopping, others to Facebook, and on and on. Being enslaved to a desire simply means that you can't say No. I, myself, had to give up television for Lent one year because I just couldn't turn it off. If it wasn't on in the background I felt uneasy. It's not that I loved TV or the shows I had on, but rather it had become such a part of my life that I no longer had control over the remote. So, I had to make a clean break. Turn it off for 40 days in order to regain control over this aspect of my life. Turn it off and give it up so that I may, once again, be able to exercise my free will  freely.

Lent gives us the chance to look at the areas in our lives where we, too, have become enslaved. What is it that I can't say "no" to? The answer very well may be the thing God is calling us to forgo.

What happens when we finally have control over our desires is that we become "self-masters." Finally our intellect, will, and faith in the Lord are guiding the ship of our lives - not our desires. And this is what God is calling us to - not a false freedom of being able to do whatever we want whenever we feel like it (because this is the mind set that ultimately leads to slavery) but rather to a power over our desires to be able to choose the good in every situation.

And this is why Christ and the Church call every single person (whether  married, single, discerning, a priest, a nun, etc) to chastity. Chastity is not simply saying "no" to sex. Chastity is aligning our sexual desires with the laws of the Church (the laws that Christ gave us) and the grace of the Holy Spirit. Chastity is the power to have control over our sexual desires and to steer these desires according to God's Will.

Many people in our world, in the name of "freedom," are enslaved to their sexual desires. There are so many, both young and old, that just can't say "no." Our world tells us that it is "unnatural" to forgo a sexual desire - that this will lead to perversion. But the exact opposite is true. If one can never say "no," they are no longer free. What begins as a quest for ultimate freedom for our sexual desires (namely doing what we want, when we want to) actually leads us to slavery. Quite an irony, if you ask me.

But we can being to regain power over our sexuality - with Lent being such a time to do so. If there are any areas in our own lives, whether sexual in nature or not, that we realize we are enslaved to, let us make a clean break and offer them to the Lord. Not that we might push these things under a rug, but rather let them be redeemed by Christ and try to begin life anew.

May Christ give each one of us the power of becoming self masters that we will grow in virtue, in holiness, and be ever closer to our goal of Heaven.

fulfilling our "meaning and being"

Pope John Paul II said, "If we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning and being of our existence."

Whoa.

So, what the Great Pope is saying is that if we understand and live our sexuality according to God's plan, we fulfill who we are as persons. This is a huge claim! Not to mention a claim that most would not expect to find in the Catholic Church.

What is the meaning of life? This is the most important question we could ever ask ourselves. It is easy to pass from day to day, year to year, without reflecting on who we are and why we are here in the first place. However, in order to fully understand ourselves and in order to fully be happy we must know why we were created and what we were created for.

We know the answer the Catechism of the Catholic Church gives us to this question: "God made me to know him, love him, and serve him in this world, and to be happy with him forever in the next." And taking into consideration the quote above that the Pope gives us, we know our sexuality also has something to do with it. And not just something, but A LOT.

What the Pope is essentially saying is that if we understand what love really is, why we were create male and female, why God gave us desires for love, why He created sexual union, what chastity really means, why some are called to Celibacy for the Kingdom and how the Catholic Church intimately partakes in this nuptial mystery, we can answer the question of "What is the meaning of my life."

And this is why Satan, the Father of Lies, tries so hard to confuse us about our sexuality. Because if you can confuse people about what love is, about what it means to be created male and female, about the purpose of marriage, sex, celibacy, and (ultimately) the Eucharist, you can confuse them about who God is - because God and our sexuality are so closely linked.

Many people believe that Catholic Church to be "out of touch" when it comes to sexuality. This couldn't be further from the truth! The Church withstands cultural pressure to conform to the "wisdom of the world" and tries to uphold the beauty and purpose of our sexuality precisely because it is so important. So important, in fact, that it can get to to Heaven. To show how in touch the Church is, just look at her buildings. If you have ever been to a large church or Basilica (like St. Peter's in Rome) you will find a 4-poster type canopy over the altar. This canopy is called a Baldacchino and it represents the canopy of a marriage bed. In this case, the altar is our "marriage bed" with Christ - the place where he offers Himself, Body Blood Soul and Divinity, and where we become one with him. Not only that but the Catholic Church calls the marriage bed the "altar of the home."

This is the beauty of the Theology of the Body. It not only reveals the Catholic Church's teaching on love, sexuality, and human relationships in a easy to understand way, but it spells out for us how to live out our sexuality so that we might intimately know God, love God, and serve God in this life, and to be happy with him forever in the next.

So, let us dive deeper into understanding what the meaning of life really is and what our sexuality has to do with it so that we may truly be happy and truly be on our way to a union with God in heaven.